It’s hard to imagine a life without the worry of shame. People get laughed at for lip-syncing to songs so they’re taught that enjoying your music that way is wrong, or you get weird looks for dancing around while you’re shopping so obviously that’s not what you do here. Society has its rules of conduct and shame is one of the ‘punishment’ for breaking them. If you’re talking about sex the rules are particularly strict, shaming you for even mentioning it directly rather than just leaving things implied. It’s repressive, unhelpful, and generally redundant since it doesn’t really stop people from thinking about it. All it does is limit people’s chances of connecting through it and drive up the interest in anything illicit or exotic. So here’s a little tip that might help everyone feel a little less repressed and maybe a bit more daring: Be loud and vocal during sex.
Now, I don’t mean that you should force yourself to yell and scream. If you’re orgasms, lovemaking, or general pleasure seeking are on the lower decibel side of things, then that’s fine. In fact, you’re already doing what you should: Enjoying the pleasure of yourself and whatever partners at whatever volume that you are. And that’s the thing, we get taught that enjoying yourself and others is something to keep ONLY to yourself and the people you experience it so much that anyone else knowing that you have sex or how you do it is shameful, and that has GOT to stop.
Everyone’s seen those bits of movies, where the main character (or couple if it’s a rom com) are in a hotel or apartment and they have that embarrassing moment when they can hear the couple in the next room having sex. There’s usually some loud banging and moaning and it’s supposed to be really awkward, but why the hell IS it? I mean, everyone knows what sex is, right? There’s no secret that when a person (or persons) feel attracted to each other, that they might want to have sex. And they might do so in a room for their own privacy. But why is it so awkward to hear someone having sex? Is that just part of the social contract we have for keeping private things private, or is it more to do with the pervasive idea that sex is shameful? It could also be symbolic for unresolved sexual tension between the characters, but I always got the impression that it was because you shouldn’t be enjoying yourself SO much that other people might hear it. And why the hell shouldn’t you be enjoying it.
So instead, why don’t we try being as loud as you feel. Instead of stifling any sounds you might make, revel in them. See what you really sound like when you let go of that inhibition. Whether you’re going solo or with a partner, just let whatever sounds you make come out. Not only can the experience be very stimulating (Personally, I’m REALLY into the sounds people make while having sex), but it can fight some of the stigma you might have about sex in general. So next time you’re getting into something illicit, worry less about what people might hear and more about how good you want to feel.