Adventures in Polyamory: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bond

So, something a little different for you all this week. While I was digging up some information for a longer blog post that I’m working on, I came across a bit of old writing from last year that I wanted to share with you. Given how hectic life has been the past couple of weeks, it’s a sweet reminder of why I’m glad I’ve gotten here.

So, my partner and I had been talking about opening up our relationship on and off for several years. Both of us are bisexual, so there’s always that interest that we can’t fill for one another and the idea of being able to explore that while maintaining several loving relationships was fairly appealing, but we both worried about how we would trust and talk to one another about it. There were insecurities on both sides that led us to keep putting it off each time it came up. More recently, it was because we met up with an old friend and were both immediately excited about whatever sort of relationship we could have with them. So, we decided that since we both were instantly attracted, that this would be the time we did it. We would see how everyone interacted and, if all went well, we would officially try opening our marriage. That’s not what happened but it DID lead us to discovering we already WERE living the poly lifestyle without barely noticing it.

See, for the past few years we’ve had a roommate. He was a friend we both met playing some online games and hit it off with very well. B (My partner) knew K (Roommate) a little better than I did, but we all got along pretty well. So much so that, when we were planning on moving up north, we planned on moving closer to him so we could have an easier time interacting as well as getting to actually hang out with our ‘friend’. About half a year before we were set to move, K was offered a place to stay out somewhere a state west of where we’d originally planned to move. B was unbelievably hurt and we changed our plans so we could stay close to one another. This, by the way, was hint #1 that this was more than a simple friendship.

Once we were moved, we all started hanging out with K’s friends that he’d moved with and things were….okay. Not the best, but okay. Things started getting more tense, so B and I offered to let him hang out at our place since I spent a good deal of time on my own and B had a full-time job. So we’d hang out, play games, all sorts of pretty cool stuff to the point where he could stay over whenever he wanted and I really wouldn’t mind. This was great, since the living arrangement he had went to shit REAL bad and there was barely a pause between myself and B to offer to let him stay with us till he could get on his feet. This was hint #2, since we quickly got to the point where there was no plans whatsoever that he would have to move out.

So he’s now living with us. He’s invited to everything we do. We just plan on him coming with us on vacations and to other events. He’s the ‘Man of Honor’ for my partner at our wedding and that’s when people seem to start wondering what’s up with us. I just think they’re making assumptions and move on, but the thought never really leaves. What was he to us? What was he to me? And when did he go from being a “temporary situation” to someone that belong with us.

He became part of our home and our family and even if there wasn’t a sexual relationship, there was a loving one. He would worry about how I was doing and help B when things would get bad for her with work. There were some financial problems going on and my parents were suggesting that we needed to kick him out and concentrate on the two of us as a ‘married couple’ and I almost immediately snapped back that we were not kicking him out. That was hint #3 and the point where my partner and I found out (in something that we really should have thought of before) that polyamory wasn’t really just about having sex with other people, but having multiple loving relationships. That it’s not about just the physical connections, but the emotional ones…and that without knowing it, we DID have a third person that we both cared about. We’d been in a poly relationship, just without ever calling it that.

Since then, we’d started talking openly between the three of us on being a triad and what we want out of our relationships. It’s been difficult, but we’re taking it a step at a time as well as getting help where we can. Everyone we’ve talked to has been super supportive and it all feels great! I don’t have to try and fit our relationships or my own feelings into a neat box that cuts things off. I spent the majority of the past day either in doctor’s offices or ERs for massive pain and the whole time I had to loving people willing to help me through all of it without hesitation and I couldn’t have gotten through any of that without them. They’re my partners and my family, and I can’t wait to see what other wonderful, caring, passionate, loving, sexy, geeky, or just plain unique people that life will bring me now that I’m open to receiving them.

2 thoughts on “Adventures in Polyamory: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bond

  1. “We’d been in a poly relationship, just without ever calling it that.”

    Life is so much easier without the labels.
    Im personally curious about poly. How it works and if it right for me. Mono certainly isn’t but there is so much grey matter between the two… I look forward to reading more of your posts.


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